Thoughtful Ramblings

I love that I know what I know. I know it is a blessing to have the knowledge that I have and that with that knowledge comes a responsibility of sorts. In the past few years I have seen some friends and some family lose that knowledge because they have chosen to not apply it. It has been so hard to watch but I have dealt with it, probably because I didn't feel like it affected me personally however, recently I have had someone very close to me make a conscious choice to walk away from the knowledge and truth she had. The sad thing is I watched it happen over the past few months and prayerfully asked what I could do to keep it from happening. The answer...nothing! It had to be the individual's choice. We are all tested on a personal level. Everyone's test is their own; meant to strengthen and give power to the spirit but if not endured or if the choice is made to give up before the test is over then the blessing that would have followed are taken away. How can you have something taken away that you haven't received yet? We have been told we can have ALL that the Father has, if we endure to the end. He has already given it to us, we just have to make it to the next "road marker." How do we make it to the next road marker? Keep on walking...some of us walk slower than others...but keep doing it having faith that there will be a marker up ahead. You find that when you keep walking, you build up strength that you never knew you had. At each road marker we receive new blessings to help us along the way, greater insights. We have tools scriptures, blessings, prayer, priesthood and most of all have faith even when you can't see what's ahead. With my friend I watched what was happening and I tried to counsel and be positive, share my testimony, my knowledge and my strength but it wasn't enough, at least for now. The world was too intriguing. It was so hard to watch happen, it still is. In fact I mentioned to David that if this is what it is like to watch my children make these kinds of choices I want nothing to do with it. I have been up at nights, not sleeping, waking up, thinking about it, constantly thinking throughout the day. At first I was angry, at myself for not doing more, at her for giving in to the adversary. But then I realized it was more sadness...my heart is aching at the loss. I am still coming to terms with what the loss entails. She is still in my life but it is not the same...I don't know if I trust her the way I used too. I can't share my thoughts the way I used too. She doesn't want to be around me and my family the way she used too. She cares more for herself than others now, at least that is what her actions show. I am not even sure she is the same person...she says she is but I know she is more than what she is and she is selling herself short. I have prayed and prayed since she made the actual choice and the answer I have received is to love her and I do, I truly love her with all my heart but now I need to figure out how much I can accept of her new lifestyle before it effects me. The other answer I have received is these choices are her own, I am not to blame, her parents are not to blame, no one is to blame...she is a responsible adult and will be accountable for her own choices. I now pray that she will be softened and not hardened. That when she decides to return to the truth she has disregarded that she will know I am here for her and that she is loved more than words can say. I pray that she will know she is stronger than what she is settling for and that she is more than what she is getting. I love her with all my heart and until she returns i wlll do my best to love her the way her Heavenly Father does and I will do my best to stay strong so i can impart some of my strength to her when she needs it. I love knowing what I know and knowing that I am a daughter of god who loves me and loves her.

Week 27

Well, I must admit it has been a long time since teaching this lesson and I had to go back and review what inspired this handout. This lesson happened to be about Zion's camp and the men who traveled over a 1000 miles to help save the saints in Independance from the mobs who wanted to kill them. When these men arrived they were told by the Lord they would not be fighting that they were going to return. Now i could go into the entire story but you can go and read the history for yourselves I am going to tell you what I got from this. Here you have these men who were ready to fight, to avenge their brothers and sisters in the gospel. the had traveled a long way and had plenty of time to become enraged and ready to fight their enemies, and of course they had every reason to feel the way they did. However, when they were told they would not fight and they needed to turn around and go home, a lot of them were angry--they wanted to fight. I can feel thier anguish. So often, i want to fight, i have had a lot of time to stew in my thoughts, to convince myself I am justified, I need to take out my frustrations and why not on my enemy, who has wronged me. (Sometimes our enemies can be our friends and family too) But then when we get there we are told, by the spirit, to let it go. That is not easy to do. In fact I believe it to be one of my greatest weaknesses. But the true test is to ask ourselves why? when we have gone through so much and have every reason to fight..why would the Lord bring us on this journey just to have us turn around or "let it go"! Well in this case, it was not about vengeance, it was about the journey. What did you learn a long the way? You were willing to stand up for the truth...they were willing to give their lives for their brothers and sisters. now of course my analogy is not nearly as pressing as people who are being killed and thrown from their homes. (an argument about who is right and who is wrong is not a justified reason for vengeance it is just pride) However we can learn the same things. We must trust in the Lord...we must realize He is the one who guides our lives. We must turn to Him and allow Him to save us and to save our enemies. We must ask ourselves what have i learned from this journey...this situation...the moment. Is the Lord a constant in our lives? Do we fear him or fear the world. I must say that the world wins a lot of battles in my life but I am consistantly reminded that the outcome is much more peaceful when the Lord wins my battles. I am striving to always ask what am i learning. Where am i going? I am not perfect but i long to be perfected in Him.

week twenty six

The priesthood is real. It blesses my life, it continues to bless it, as well as the lives of my children. To be able to participate in priesthood ordinances ordained of God, that bring me closer to Him; to enjoy the blessing that come from knowing that my Heavenly Father is in my home daily, as long as we are living worthy of the priesthood blessing brings a peace in my life I know I could get no where else. My testimony of priesthood blessing came at a time in my life when I felt as though I did not need those blessing. In fact I went out of my way to shun them. Every year my dad would use his priesthood to give us school blessings. I was in my second year of college and making choices that kept my spiritually from growing in my testimony of those blessings. When he mentioned to me about school blessings I shied away from the situation. In fact i left to go back to school without mentioning it again and felt a sigh of relief as I drove away. I must admit that was the most difficult few months of my life. The boy in which I had focused all my attention upon was pursuing other directions. i was still involved but not quite as frequently. i was struggling with life direction and was torn between this boy I loved and the choice I knew needed to be made. For his sake, as well as for mine. At my lowest i began to ask myself what made me who i was. I knew, always knew really, that it was the gospel. It was about this time that the thought occurred to me that I had never gotten a blessing. I really don't know why I changed, desire maybe, choices probably, being ready to make the right choices more specifically. I could no longer sit on the fence looking at both pastures. I immediately went to a friend who held the priesthood and got the needed blessing. i don't remember what was said, all i know is that a peace went through my soul that I had not felt for a long time. I had a bounce in my step I hadn't had for some time. I will not say that life was full of joyous times after that blessing, there were some difficulties that lay in my path that I had to deal with to show by my actions that i had made better choices. That is something we deal with on a daily basis, so our testimony will grow with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I do know that my testimony of the power of the priesthood was strengthened so much that I have made it my priority to teach my children the importance of it. My son Xander truly understands the peace that comes from having the priesthood and the knowledge that comes in knowing that he can be healed or made to feel better because his dad can give him a blessing. We just gave the kids' their school blessings last night- what a special experience to hear the words of our Heavenly Father come through the mouth of their earthly father. The Priesthood is real! It must be conferred upon a worthy male by someone in authority. In this dispensation it was given to Joseph Smith, Jr and Oliver Cowdry by John the Baptist (Aaronic) and Peter, James and John(Melchizedek). Yes, the prophets of the New Testament because they were the last to have to have the keys to ordain. they recieved those keys from our Savior. No one remained worthy enough to have those keys after they had passed on-which is why the church fell into apostacy. This is Christ's church- the only church with the fullness of His gospel. The fulness being the priesthood power with all the rights to perform in His name. What a blessing we have.

week 25

I must say that in today's world it is so easy to be deceived. There are so many paths and directions that lead us to where we want to be. Want is a good thing but is it where the Lord needs you. There are so many paths that seem good so how can one be better than the other. Now I know this lesson is about knowing that the Prophet of the Lord speaks for and behalf of our Savior. This is something that must be confirmed by the spirit and I will tell you this the Lord will not let anyone lead and guide his church who will decive you. If you are questioning this than the deception is coming from somewhere else. We are members of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. Sometimes it may seem easier to think its not true because you may think you would be happier and yes it may seem that way for time but ultimately your happiness is based eternally and you will find yourself wishing you had not let yourself be deceived by the adversary. That is why it is so important to do those primary commandments- pray, read your scriptures, attend church, have faith and don't get caught up in what you want, rather focus on what the Lord wants. So often we get so focused on me, me, me and I want i want, i want, that we forget the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves and i can guarantee what you get from having faith in Him, is going to be far better than what you thought you wanted. So back to "do not be deceived"! The only way we can make sure of that is to have a testimony of our prophet and the only way to have that is to pray and ask for confirmation from our Heavenly Father. As I have said before it is very easy to ask why when we are asked to do something. Sometimes we can get upset and think we know better- again that is a choice we all have to make. There are consequences good and bad. YOU CHOOSE! But do not be deceived- if you choose to not follow the prophet- you will not receive the blessings that come from following the prophet and ultimately our Savior. Do not be decieved, whether in this life or the next you will see that the consequence for not following the prophet kept you from joys beyond your comprehension.

week 24

This lesson is dear to my heart because I love to obtain knowledge, secular and gospel related. Recently I was able to go back to school and continue my education,
ultimately resulting in my Associates Degree and in the future my Bachelors Degree. the thrill that comes from obtaining bits of knowledge is a high that can't be described. In fact, don't even try to explain it to youth because honestly it comes from desire and doing. Over the years I have found that I love to read, write, study, learn and share. Heavenly Father doesn't want us to stop learning. He wants us to do whatever we can in whatever situation we are in, to continue our search for knowledge. Knowledge is the only thing we can take with us into the next life. Right now my time is to be a mom and while I would love to be going to school to pursue my next course in literature, my priority is my children and their education. In the meantime I am doing what I can to further my thinking by reading books, both secular and religious. I am asking questions. I am using the tools i am surrounded by to make myself aware. Sometimes I want people to do my work for me but I find that if I put effort into it I am able to grasp the information more clearly. Right now my education has to do with how I am able to understand my relationship with my children and their different ways of learning and apply that to my relationship with my Heavenly Father and how he sees and knows me on a perfected level. I know that as i continue to make it possible to educate myself on a variety of different subjects and levels that my Heavenly Father will bless me with opportunities to share and glean from others' experiences.

week 23

I am so far behind on my blog but I have kept up on my handouts so i will be catching up over the next few days. This handout is about the Word of Wisdom and how it came to be. I must say as a youth it always was hard to explain to my friends why I couldn't do this or couldn't do that but as I have come to understand the importance of it. Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. Heavenly Father is the Father of our Spirits and sometimes it seems like we are given commandments that have no reason behind them. Sometimes we are only being asked to show our obedience and faith. I remember as a youth and even today sometimes questioning things that I want to do. But as a parent I am coming to understand even more the role of my Father in Heaven. Always, because he knows me and you perfectly, he gives us commandments to keep us out of trouble. He isn't doing it to make our lives miserable, to make them harder, to take the joy away. In fact he is commanding because he wants to make life easier, healthier, more joyous and so much more. My kids always ask why. Its inevitable, unless of course it is something they want to do. its like as soon as they are asked to do something they don't like or seems difficult they ask why? This is not truly to understand; it is their way of complaining...they don't want to do it and they think by asking why I am going to change my mind. Anyway as i ramble on I will get to my point about the word of wisdom. It is not about what we "can't do" it is about how to live our lives in a way that will make our bodies and mind and spirit healthier and able so that we "can do" Back when the word of wisdom was given there were no reports out about how bad tobacco, alcohol, coffee and tea were for you. Report only recently have indicated the toll caffeine takes on your body. The word of wisdom says what each of things are to be used for and their intended purpose. Only we as imperfect human beings have taken these useful medicinal items and made them "drugs" If used correctly they can be useful and healing but as we use them for recreation we build up tolerance and they are no longer useful to our bodies. We all don't need to be told how we function when we have been drinking or how our bodies crave tobacco and can't do without. We have all seen it or experienced it. So why, when our Heavenly Father asks us to refrain from these items and gives us useful tools to make our bodies and minds healthy and responsive, do we ask why? Because human nature insists we not want to feel like we are being told what to do. As a youth it feels that way, even as an adult it seems that way at times but as I contemplate it more I understand we are not being told what to do- we are being asked and we can choose and with that choice we have a consequence, we can either choose the blessings that come with following commandments or we can choose to not be prepared for eternal blessings and have to deal with physical and mental addictions that will control us and ultimately lead us into either mental, physical, financial or other distress. Its your choice--it always is! I know this now as I begin to teach my children and want so much to keep them from harm or from making the same mistakes i have made. But yes, they have a choice and their will be consequences. i only hope I can teach them from example that the blessings of following the commandments, while they sometimes may seem difficult, in the end will make life so much easier.

Week 21 & Week 22

I am a little behind but these past two weeks have been great lessons. Last weeks lesson was a continuation of the Plan of Salvation lesson...it went into greater details of what happens after this life so it taught about the three degrees of glory- Telestial, Terestrial, and Celestial Kingdom. We are all aiming to make it to the Celestial Kingdom, where our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ reside. It is the only kingdom in which we can continue to progress...it is the only kingdom where we can be exalted and truly live eternally. There is a difference between living eternally and being immortal. Because of the resurrection of Jesus Christ every person born to this earth will be resurrected-they will be reunited, after death, with a perfected body and new body that is a gift every person has been given. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ and our applying his atonement to our own lives, we can choose to live eternally. You see in the telestial and terestrial kingdom we will not progress, we will not learn, we cannot move forward. It will be through our thoughts and actions on this earth and how we chose to apply the atonement (the mercy of our savior) that will determine which kingdom we will want and feel we belong in. Our Heavenly Father is a loving father and while he wants us all to return to him if we do not follow the example of his son Jesus Christ- there are consequences. We will understand those consequences, whether in this life or the next, before we come to the judgment and we will make our own choice. It seems as if that is an easy choice but just as in this life we know the right choices to make but don't want to do them so it will be in the next. Just because we will understand the plan perfectly we will still be the same person and having had the gospel taught we just may say I don't want too! Its too much work. I want to take the easier road. I want to know more. I don't know enough. Whatever our excuse is- we will make the choice because that is the the cruxt of the whole plan- Agency. Are we going to choose God's will or our own? We see miracles on a daily basis, if we are looking for them, and yet we still (as a world population)deny God exists. We have words from prophets long ago that have been preserved for our day and yet we still want more. God is an unchanging God, the only things that changes is us. It has been the same, yesterday, today and will be tomorrow- we must choose to follow Him or follow the adversary. In that process we must also remember it is not our right to judge others. We are all children of our heavenly father and we are all here to learn for ourselves and come unto Christ- we are learn at different rates and in different ways and at different times. I may be good at one thing and really see the difference it makes in my life and the doors it opens for me but to treat someone who doesn't or hasn't made those choices yet as if they are sinning is wrong...All we can do is bear our testimony and show through our example the joy it brings and others will follow on their own time and at their own pace. None of us are perfect but we call have strengths to help share with others without condemning. We have perfect "heavenly parents" it is our responsibility to love as they do.

This past week's lesson was on "The day of the Lord." It was an involved lesson but I must admit there is one part that really changed my thoughts. In the world of religion and scriptures we hear about the calamities and wickedness that is going to and already does exist when the second coming approaches. No one knows the day or time, not even our Savior- only his Father. We tend to focus on the negativity and yet truly we should be looking for the joy in the midst of the wickedness. As I was reading Doctrine and Covenants 45:36-39; a scripture about the parable of the fig tree throughout the week I pondered on its words. I didn't get what the fig tree had to do with the second coming. Because I didn't quite understand it i wasn't going to use it with the lesson but as I handed out scriptures to read I accidentally gave that one out. When I heard it begin to be read my heart stopped and I was nervous about how i was going to explain it. But as I read the scripture with the student reading it a peace came over me and I understood.

36 And when the alight shall begin to break forth, it shall be with them like unto a parable which I will show you—
37 Ye look and behold the figtrees, and ye see them with your eyes, and ye say when they begin to shoot forth, and their leaves are yet tender, that summer is now nigh at hand;
38 Even so it shall be in that day when they shall see all these things, then shall they know that the hour is nigh.
39 And it shall come to pass that he that feareth me shall be looking forth for the great day of the Lord to come, even for the signs of the coming of the Son of Man.

"they begin to shoot forth, and their leaves are yet tender" made me think of spring and how after a long, cold winter, with darkness all around we see the tiniest bit of hope in the trees that 'begin to shoot forth' and while we know there is still going to cold, and darkness and dreary days- we have seen the sign "that summer is now nigh at hand" we know that the sun is going to shine or may i say that the Son of God is going to reign.
I was so grateful to my Heavenly Father for sharing that little piece of knowledge with me so that I could share it with my kids. As I have continued to ponder this thought my heart has been full. The world is wicked and great calamities are taking place very close to home and we know it is going to get even worse and enduring to the end gets more and more difficult it is moments like these that keep me going on. Prophecies have been given and fulfilled and they continue to do so and knowing this, that every prophecy ever given will be fulfilled, it fills me with hope. I know as I stay close to the Lord and look for the small joys, small miracles I will be blessed and whether or not I am here to witness the coming of the Lord I will be standing on His side.